by Mary Sue Love, AOM Ombuds
I’ve been struggling with a work decision recently. It may come as no surprise to many mid-career academics, but I was feeling over committed and I needed to let at least one service role go. I’ve attended meetings and listened to about seven different perspectives on whether to let go of this particular officer role. I’d have loved to talk in detail with any of these seven people, but I knew their perspectives and I didn’t want to be convinced to stay; I just wanted to sort through all of their points and see how they could help inform my choice. The problem: I was torn and didn’t really know exactly what I wanted, what my motives were, and what was best for me and the organization I was poorly serving. I needed someone who would listen and help me clarify my own perspective, not share one more!
Turns out, this is exactly when an Ombuds can be helpful. Not only must they remain neutral, but being informal is much more than just not taking notes or putting anyone on record. Last year, the AoM Ombuds committee started a series of posts on the International Ombudsman Association Standards of Practice
. AOM Ombuds Greg Stephens started the series with general information on the role of an ombuds; then I wrote about neutrality and impartiality. Nancy Day wrote about confidentiality, then Greg wrote on independence.
I’m finishing our series with a discussion on informality, something I recently turned to an Ombuds for myself. Last spring, Nancy posted on the topic for her university
. She does a great job of defining informality, saying, “being an informal resource means I can help you think about your problem in different ways that may help address it without going through the complications of a formal process such as a grievance. Working with me is off-the-record, and no one will know you’ve been to see me unless you tell them.” She’s right, according to the International Ombudsman Association Standards of Practice, informality means we are ‘off the record,’ we don’t make binding decisions, and we do not participate in any formal procedures.
You might ask, then, what can an Ombuds do, and how can one help me decide whether to drop this committee obligation? Ombuds can listen, help you identify issues, discuss a range of options, reframe things, just like Nancy said in her post. But why is this so powerful?
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers spoke to this in his 1958 address to the American Personnel and Guidance Association. Titled “The Characteristics of a Helping Relationship,” and reprinted in his book “On Becoming a Person,” many other places, and here
, Rogers describes the undeniable magic that can happen when a person is listened to by another who is genuine, empathetic, and non-judgmental. In this safe space, the individual is able to speak freely and have her ideas and feelings clarified. In so doing, Rogers found that patients often were able to develop workable solutions to their own problems. This was quite a departure from the more prescriptive psychological theories of Rogers’ day.
Today I want to share just how magical it is when someone helps you sort through your own mess of thoughts and feelings to find your own workable solution. I started my conversation with the Ombuds by sharing the nuts and bolts of my obligations, my thoughts as to why this was the one commitment to let go, and the reasons others thought this was a bad idea on my part. For the first time in weeks, I was able to talk about the issues without fear of judgment and without being pressured by others. Part of my confusion was in the thought of letting down so many other committed individuals. Yet part of what they weren’t hearing from me was how I felt I was already letting them down by not being able to give the role all the time and dedication it required. About halfway through my second round of being listened to without judgment, I started to hear myself say “I can’t fulfill the obligations of this role and…” The last three times I’d started that sentence, I’d been cut off by one of those seven other perspectives. However, my informal Ombuds didn’t cut me off, she let me talk through all my mixed motives. So as I listened to the last half of that sentence for the first time, my decision gelled and the force of it resonated within me.
The tone of the conversation changed as I gained enthusiasm and momentum for my decision. We quickly moved from my fears to real solutions. By the time we finished the conversation, I had a plan for next steps. Because I was clear with myself, I was able to articulate my decision to others in a way that helped strengthen the leadership team instead of leaving them in the lurch. It’s been about six weeks since I made the decision to step down from leadership and focus on the sub-committee work for this fledgling organization. I feel better, obviously, but because I took the time to sort my thoughts and feelings with an Ombuds, I was able to find a resolution that benefitted not just me but the organization too.